Boys are making me sad and i need to vent

So... where do I begun. I have been talking to this boy. Whose name will not be revealed. I like him. I like him a lot. Or maybe I lost the privledge to say that. Lets say I liked him. I like him a lot. He made me so happy. SO FRIKIN HAPPY. There were so many problems with him though. Like my one "friend" disapproved of him. I actually know she has had a crush on him for like a year. I know this. Because of insights. That I cannot say. Anyway, she makes me feel like crap about the whole thing all the time. Ok let me back up. This boy, lets call him Harry, has a hard past. A rough past. Abused, abandoned, drugs... Mom had died, father in jail. His mom actually died while she as mad at him. And he never asked how she died, but it was a drug overdose. Anyway Harry lives with his grandmother now. She doesn't care about him. He was taken in by my moms friend. Her daughter and him dated like a year ago. Anyway he used to be really into drugs till my moms friend saved him. So, he hadn't done drugs for a while. This kid is really amazing. He took all of this and the way he turned out is crazy. No anger. Hard worker. Kind. Just an all around great person. So he really liked me. Like REALLY. And we texted and went on a couple dates. We really got along great. So great. We were so funny together. So yeah he lied a couple times but I thought nothing of it. Until he did something that I cannot say. Lets say it was trippy. A little too trippy. And he put others at risk. And he realized this. Felt awful. Apologized. And nothing else happened. I told him I don't want anything to do with drugs. Then he did something else. He was stupid. and he put himself in danger. and he became to comfortable. And now I have to stop talking to him. I arranged someone to talk to him about how I was probably feeling. Not that I wanted to stop talking but that I probably did. And now he hasn't texted me. Which im not mad about im just sad. I miss him. I miss this toxic relationship. But I cant miss it. I have to want better for myself. Which I do. I just wish the best for him. Which he will probably mess up. A heart of gold with a brain of silver. I need to move on! He already has other girls throwing themselves at him... Anyway im venting. sorry for the spelling errors. Just trying to get this across ASAP lol. BYE. LOVE LOVE LOVE U. AND U DESERVE BETTER.

CHERRY ON TOP

Please forgive me for not posting lately! I am trying to redesign the blog. I'm not sure if I will start using WIX or WordPress but my new name is Chaos In Cutoffs so if you see that domain on wordpress or WIX its mine and I haven't done anything with it yet. Sorry for no posts:( I am trying to learn how to do different things to make this blog better. Thank you for your patience.   
                                                                                                                    -M

FRENEMIES

          So, we all have friends that we drift away from and just move on from and maybe it is because of a fight or maybe it's just because you have both changed and either way life goes on. Sometimes friends stay with us forever and change our lives. And sometimes, friends stay in your life but become fake friends and it might even be better for the both of you to never talk again but you are still holding onto that little piece of them from when you were 2 peas in a pod and told couldn't imagine life without them. For a while now my friend of 10 years has been starting to drift away from me and I have been trying to hold on because it's hard to just lose someone like that. Well, she has been being kind of a backstabber. And trust me, I really don't need her in my life. I have friends. She has friends too but I am not just going to give up on her. But I really think that if I made no effort to ever talk to her again, we would never talk again. Anyway, back to the backstabbing thing. Actually, let's start a new paragraph for this bs you are about to hear.
          My friend of TEN YEARS... has known that I have liked this boy. And tbh I like a lot of boys. I am not gonna lie, I have my eye on like 5. But this one is one I have liked for maybe a year now and he is special you know? Well, I am not going to say what happened specifically because with my luck she will find this blog and be like "OH HELL NO. " And then spread rumors about me or something and make out with all 5 of the boys I like. But basically she hung out with my crush... not alone but still... and didn't even invite me. Like if I was going out with her crush I would be like "Oh hey! Come out with us and here switch seats with me in the movies so you can sit next to Tim (fake name;))" But no invitation for me. It really sucks being the nice friend. And then my friend group ran into them while they were out. So, I say hi or whatever. Then the next time I see this backstabbing friend she has the guts to tell me that he didn't seem like he wanted to talk to me when I saw them and that he was the one that wanted to hang out AND THAT HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T WANT TO DATE ME BECAUSE I STALK HIM. Ok so maybe I'm persistent but that's what makes me fun! And then she says that they talked a lot and actually had a lot of fun together. I prayed to God in this moment to stop me from slapping her right then and there. Honestly, even if they dated or whatever I WOULDN'T CARE! Like ok if he is that bad of a person to like you then you can have him! I obviously didn't know him that well then! I am just mad because I am actually the one trying to mend our relationship when she is over here throwing it away and I didn't want to say but I am getting so worked up so here it is... she needs me WAY more than I need her. So, good riddance and have a good life without me!
          If anyone else is going through this I FEEL FOR YOU. It's so hard to lose a good friend. But trust me, everything works out for the best. And something my mom always says, everything comes out in the wash. Be nice! "Don't plant flowers in someone's garden who isn't going to water them."-Don't know who said this but it wasn't me! I saw it on Pinterest!:).
                                                                                                                        -M

DRESS CODE SMESH CODE

          Dress codes are literally one of the stupidest things I have ever heard of. Who has the right to tell people what they are allowed to wear. Another thing I hate is when people will say oh well she needs to respect herself more. Like, "I am so sorry that you think if someone doesn't dress how you think is "conservative" that means they don't respect themselves." And then I would add something like, "You must be really insecure to care so much about other people's outfits."
          Another thing is that women (and men) should not have to wear a certain type of clothes to stop from being looked at and feeling uncomfortable because of disgusting perverts! Sadly, this is how it is right now. If I want to go out in booty shorts and a crop top, I should be able to without getting any looks from anyone that make me feel awkward and insecure. Whether the looks are from men and women being innapropriate or judge mental. Clothes are a way to express ourselves. Clothes are like music. They show a lot about us. Everyone's tastes are so different so how is judging even possible! It just does not make any sense!
         WOMEN DO NOT DRESS FOR MEN... and vice verse of course. There is a quote by Betsey Johnson that says, " If women dressed for they would just walk around naked!" Or something like that. This is true. Women do not dress for men. I cannot stress this enough. Tavi Gevinson (LOVE HER) said in one of her interviews how she met a boy in school that would almost get mad that she did not care what he thought about her outifts(I have 100% mentioned this before... sorry not sorry:)).  This is different than meeting someone that you love and have a connection with and they make you want to be better for yourself. Like being with them makes you want to care for yourself more. This might make you want to start dressing better or whatever. This is a completely other thing because you are doing this for yourself.
          Make picking out your outfits fun! Do not think about anyone else while staring into your closet in the morning! YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL THING THAT DESERVES BEAUTIFUL CLOTHES. Wear what makes you happy! And if anyone ever says anything negative to you about your clothes, give them a bitch face (thank you Rookie Magazine for teaching me how to do this) and walk away LIKE A CHAMP. EVEN DO A FIST PUMP WHILE WALKING AWAY LIKE IN THE BREAKFAST CLUB.
                                                                                                                     -M

DEEPEST APOLOGIES

Recently my laptop has not been working... the keyboard and mouse won't work:///... and I have not been posting a lot:(. I apologize for this. I hate not being able to post. I also hate posting from my iPhone lol. But I thoughg we fixed the problem and now I can't get the Internet to work... BUT I WILL FIND A WAY TO POST TODAY. I LOVE U ALL.
                                                                                                                                    -M

"H.A.G.S. Hope we hang out over break!"

stay in touch;)

          HOW TO STAY IN TOUCH OVER SUMMER BREAK... IF YOU WANT TO.
It used to be that I would make empty promises to people I didn't really want to be friends with, that we would hang out over summer and we could go swimming in my pool or go to that new scary movie coming out in July. Of course these plans never really happened and I would not see this person till next September. The truth was that the people I made promises to with my fingers crossed behind my back, were probably great people. So, it was not that I didn't want to be friends with these people but I didn't want to take the time to make these friends. I would picture us hanging out and just see a lot of awkward silence (AWKWARD). So, I realized that I really missed out on all these potential friends. Now, I try my best to keep in contact with all people that I WANT to hang out with. My mom says it is always good to have a lot of friends, so that no matter where you are, there is someone you can run to. PERSONALLY, I do not agree with this. You should not rely on anyone for your happiness. If you are alone in a room filled with best friends, then OWN IT. Go up to people, say hi, be kind, and most importantly be yourself. Never change yourself for a friend. You should not meet someone and agree with them on everything just so they like you. Trust me. I feel like I'm getting a bit off topic. So, this is how to stay in touch.

• Exchange numbers. Never feel weird asking for someone's number. THIS IS SO HARD. But, just work on it. If they take it as you want to have kids with them or you are secretly obsessed with them, then that is their problem and they will be very disappointed when they get a text asking about the Calculus homework.
• Arrange things. Have fun events like Freaky Friday with scary movies and popcorn. Or Spaghetti Sundays where you get together and eat spaghetti and play board games. The cheesier, the better.
• Write letters. It is the best thing to get a letter in the mail. So, why not write to people. This sounds crazy and your friends might be like wth but trust me, they will secretly love it.
• Use social media. Social media might be used for hating, gossips, bragging or whatever but it's purpose is to help people keep in touch. My mom still talks to people she taught in first grade, who now have families and jobs.
• Always wish people a Happy Birthday. This sounds stupid but it's true! No matter how little you know a person, it's and important thing to do. It lets people know you care. I say happy birthday to everyone.

So, I hope this helps with keeping ties. Bonds are important! So speak, love, and act with no fear!
                                                                                                                                     -M

I'M TALKING ABOUT LOVE AGAIN SOMEONE STOP ME

          Yes, I am typing about love... AGAIN. This is about a personal experience. A recent one at that. So, I meet this guy... actually I had a crush on him for like a year but I had never talked to him. Anyway he is in this one class with me. Let me mention again that love makes me do crazy things! So, I know the teacher real well and it was in like April, when I went up to his desk and looked at the seating chart for our class. I said I wanted to see what this one girl's name was when in reality I wanted to take a picture of my crush's photo to send to my friend (they have yearbook photos that correspond with where you sit... just wanted to clarify since I know it isn't like that everywhere). So, I am taking the pic and my teacher is like, "Hold uh Hold uh Hold uh... Are you taking a picture of *bleeeep*???" I responded with a "yeah" and a bitch face. He then explained how he was going to tell him tomorrow and he will hook me up with him and I'm like first of all... you're a teacher and that's creepy. Second of all... WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. So, the next day he tells him and my life is over. Wait, wait, wait... there is a plot twist. The boy likes me too but was too scared to say anything. So, I want everyone to use this little story time as a lesson. You need to express your feelings because you never know what might happen. And everyone crushes so don't feel weird. FEEL FREE TO TRY THE TEACHER METHOD USED HERE. I wish you all the best in finding someone that makes you happy and then expressing that feeling to them. Thank you and goodnight. For all my students out there, go do your homework. Or don't. Homework is actually ridiculous.
                                                                                                                           -M